
Writing about your life demands more than therapy.
As a writing therapist, I see every day how powerful writing about your life experiences can be. Using writing to unlock deep emotions and long forgotten, or buried memories, can help us understand ourselves better, and shine a light on behaviours and beliefs these challenges have resulted in.
When I see someone for a writing therapy session we may explore specific issues, or work through a situation that is impacting them at the time. Memories can be stirred that we have buried so deeply that often we aren’t even aware they have happened. We are able to tap into unconscious ideas about issues that might be holding us back and beliefs we hold that we haven’t acknowledged yet.
We often go deep because it is a safe space. I am bound by confidentiality agreements between therapist and client and without these revelations progress can’t be made.
It can be tough.
What has this got to do with life writing?
You might think that therapy and life writing are two completely different things, but if you have ever thought about writing a memoir or autobiography, and certainly if you have got as far as starting, you will be fully aware of the challenges of this genre.
Four years ago I decided that I had been talking about writing my own memoir for too long. I packed a bag and took myself to Devon for a week to get started.
I was naïve.
I thought I would be able to sit alone and type and the story would appear on the page. I had taken time to plan and structure before I set off, I thought all I needed was some distraction free time. I had no idea of the reality of this process.
I don’t think there was a single time I sat down to write that I didn’t cry. There were some days that I couldn’t see my keyboard to type for the tears running down my face. I sobbed.
You might assume I was writing about things that had happened in the recent past. Well, no, my memoir is about the challenges and blessings around being diagnosed with a brain tumour, which I had surgery for almost 18 years ago now. So, when I was sitting writing and crying, the events that were breaking me had happened 14+ years before. Let’s be clear, we don’t decide to write a memoir because we have had the same routine for 40 years, do we? Generally speaking we choose to share experiences which are more than a little out of the ordinary; challenges we have overcome, adventures we have had, interesting jobs we have done etc.
Holding up a mirror
When we write about our lives we have to dig deep into our memories, deeper even than we do in therapy.
You might be thinking – that can’t be true, we have to go really deep in therapy – and yes, that’s true. But with therapy we talk about what happened and perhaps how it made us feel, how we feel about others involved.
When we write about these same events for a memoir we have to relive these memories and experiences. We have to describe the weather and what we can smell. We have to describe our surroundings or perhaps the clothes we are wearing. We have to be totally immersed in the senses of that time, but more than that we have to take a long hard look at the person we were.

We have had a few people writing memoirs in the BOOK FORGE and they have discovered this very quickly.
It is often assumed that life writing must be easier than any other type of writing, after all, we lived through it, we know how it plays out. Having tackled many types of writing I firmly believe that life writing is the most challenging. We not only have to relive all these experiences, we do so with the awareness that we are sending all these words out into the world for anyone to read. The words we write as we laugh and cry before our laptop, will be in the world long after we are gone. They will be read by people we will never meet. Our words will be critiqued by total strangers and loved ones alike. Will our version of our story ring true with others who knew us then? Will people take issue with how they are portrayed?

Are you prepared to be vulnerable?
One of my idols is Brené Brown. She talks about the power of vulnerability, and writing about your life to put it out into the world for general consumption, is arguably the most vulnerable thing you could do. You are not only putting your writing out there for others to judge, you are sharing intimate details about your life.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
Brené Brown, Daring Greatly
We have a choice to make. Are we going to be brave, and vulnerable, and share our life with others, knowing that our words will help others to feel seen and understood? Will we risk being criticised by some in order to bring hope and relief to many others?
Why would anyone do it?
You might think that I am trying to scare you out of writing a memoir or autobiography. Quite the opposite. I genuinely believe that people who are brave enough to dive into this genre and write from the heart they heal in ways that most people will never comprehend. It is a challenge but the feeling of pride and achievement you get when you finish the process is unlike anything you will ever feel.
“Vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you, but it’s the last thing I want you to see in me. In you, it’s courage. In me, it’s inadequacy. In you, it’s strength and lovability. In me, it’s shame.” – Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability
The most powerful thing we can do is connect with others. Feeling connected and understood can ease most situations. Just knowing that someone else has experienced what we are experiencing, that others have felt this way, calms us and makes life feel manageable again. From a therapists perspective, there is never a downside to processing your deep emotions and working through your biggest challenges, as long as you don’t try to do it alone. It is important to be in a safe space, with others to support you through the bumps in the road.
The more you understand about yourself, the more you can move on and live a happy life, free of limitations. You will feel lighter, empowered and unstoppable, after all, you have already done the bravest, most vulnerable thing you can do.
Grab a pen and be brave.
For those of you wondering, I did finish my memoir. I have a completed second draft sitting on my hard drive. I will revisit it in a couple of years. When I started writing my children were younger, and I don’t feel they are the right age for me to be sharing details of my life, and theirs, with the world. I might be ready to be vulnerable, but I have to be mindful of my children’s emotional wellbeing too. Don’t worry, when the time is right, I will revisit my memoir and you will be the first to know when it is released into the world. In the meantime, I have started a much less emotionally challenging non-fiction book to keep my writing juices flowing.
If you are ready to tackle some deep emotions, share your expertise or perhaps you have a funny or inspiring life story you would like to share with the world, why not join us in THE BOOK FORGE 25. Find out more about the BOOK FORGE. We start on February 12th so there is still time to join this year, or jump on our mailing list to be the first to find out when the doors open for The BOOK FORGE 26.